Ballad of the Scripture-twistin’ Teacher
Once I was dirt poor but I ain’t no more
Satan laid me low, slammed me down on the floor
Then a revelation struck me outa the blue
Blab it and grab it is the new gospel truth.
* * * * *
I’m a preacher, a Scripture-twistin’ teacher
Pushin’ prosperity DVD’s
Rollin’ in dough and it’s all tax free
I’m a preacher, a money-makin’ speaker
And if you poor peasants don’t agree
That’s a sure sign you’re jealous of me!
(Repeat last two lines after final verse)
* * * * *
Say it and believe it, be a billionaire
Pledge me the moon though the money ain’t there
I get what I confess so that Rolex is mine
A son of the King ain’t the workin’ kind.
Heresy hunters like to search for dirt
They ain’t got the foggiest what faith is worth
My preachin’ and my teachin’ pays big dividends
Don’t nit-pickers know envy is a sin?
Give till it hurts so I won’t have to work
All I wanna do is peddle God’s Word
Gittin’ rich for Jesus is the life for me
Sow me a seed so I can receive.
Moan and groan and repeat my words
Blessings you’re expecting must be birthed in the earth
You labor in the Lord’s maternity ward
Bless me before your bucks are born.
I need a supersonic plane
Gotta fly far to get sinners saved
Give me a ring, save my ministry
Prove God today, send your dough to me.
Cover our altar with dollar bills
Don’t hold back or you’ll fry in hell
This recession is no excuse
If you love Jesus turn your money loose!
God bless all y’all widders out in TV land
Be faithful to foller our Blessing Plan
Your cup will be filled if you change your will
Leave us your loot and to heck with your bills.
Eat more cat chow, make a vow right now
Consecrate your cash, time to milk my cows
Give us the numbers on your credit card
You peasants won’t regret it, I’m your superstar!