Ban Preacher Greed!

POEM: Keep Your Mouth Shut

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Cashing in on the Unpardonable Sin
Unholy Hell Vision
How Church USED to Be



Two ladies knelt at the altar to pray

Others were coming in

It was a special prayer meeting day

To help them more souls to win


Sister Bea, as smug as can be

Feasted her eyes on Sister Lenore

Lenore wore a size fourteen at least

While Bea wore a petite size four.


Hello again, it's Bea, dear Lord

I came my petitions to bring

I pray certain saints will sacrifice more

And brave a bit more pain.


I came to pray in a fasted state

So You could Your blessing outpour

Certain others are feasting today

Her hungry eyes bored through Sister Lenore.


I thank You, dear Lord, that I've grown so wise

Here are just a few of my gems

I've got a large heart but kept a small size

Christ's Bride must stay slim for Him!


How can we move massive mountains

If we can't control our own flesh?

Discipline calls for calories countin'

And learnin' to eat less and less.


Bea's "prayers" grew louder and louder

Lenore heard the worst of her words

When Lenore left she looked much sadder

All that altar ammunition sure hurt.


Sister Mary appeared mighty peeved

When she learned how Lenore had been scorned

I hope you're proud as punch, Sister Bea

You made a real meal of your fast for the Lord!


You never took time to know Lenore

I've known her for twenty-odd years

She stays up real late to pray to the Lord

Her prayers are well-seasoned with tears.


Lenore lost her sister six years ago

Anorexia drove her to her grave

Lenore's dad died of a sudden stroke

Lenore doesn't know if he was saved.


Lenore's blood sugar is all shot

It makes her feel faint to fast any meals

Her car almost crashed before she could stop

When she blacked out at the wheel.


Lenore must not let much time go by

Without a snack to keep her levels up

I know she seems to be a big size

But giving up driving was even more tough.


Bea's comments could not have been colder

Lenore could ask the Lord to heal her

I'm sorry Lenore lost her sister

But fasting's a burden we all must shoulder!


This week we're doing our special fast

To make us meek and the devil weak

Not many saints through the battle last

We fast as we fight, others feast and retreat.


I still feel fine, let's dicuss the deacon

I'll share a request with you

Pray for the deacon, his faith has weakened

His wife's acting worldly too.


Her jewelry's too bright, she got high on wine

Old Joe smokes stogies again

So many sick saints with a reprobate mind

Ben's livin' in unspoken sin.


I phoned Lenore her soul to exhort

She's making too many excuses

Regretfully to the Lord I'll report

That to fast she steadfastly refuses!


Something's the matter with that fat pastor

He's big as a whale and this fast won't help

He'd sell his soul for a seafood platter

His lard will fuel the fires of hell.


I caught him with a bucket of chicken

He swore he'd picked it up for his kids

He always hangs around the church kitchen

Throughout this fast he's sneaked tidbits.


That Twinkie junkie is worse than Lenore

He pops diet pills and vacuums food in

That pastor's not fit to serve the Lord

That man is a walking mountain of sin!


Fasting has made me sharp as a tack

I see sin more clearly and know what to pray

Pastor is under satan's attack

Pray that he'll turn from his wicked way!


Praise the Lord for this fruitful fast

My food I didn't miss at all

It brought satisfaction and that's a fact

As bountiful as any banqueting hall!


Three weeks went by and no Lenore

Why wasn't she sitting in her usual place?

Had Lenore really turned her back on the Lord

And left Bea's church to search for God's grace?


Mary called up Lenore one day

Only to hear she was going away

Toxic fumes of hypocrisy

Drove Lenore out permanently.


When Mary saw Bea she shook her head

Your fast sure was fun, but look what you've done

Praying to God from a heart long dead

As you feasted on others and not on the Son.


Daily you dined on pastor pie

You skipped your meals and licked at Lenore

Because you're blind you think you're just fine

I doubt we'll see Lenore any more.


She's gone now, Bea, thanks to your work

We're finally rid of Sister Lenore

She's taken her full figure out of church

She won't be coming back anymore.


One distant day Bea came to receive

Rewards for works done in her life

Surely my fasting, my tithes and good deeds

Will testify I fought a good fight.


Barely saved through the trial of fire

The smell of smoke to her garments clung

Bea watched a sister whose weight had been higher

Receive God's praise for a job well done.


Humble at last Bea thought of her fasts

Her thoughts weighed upon her mind

If only I'd valued the things that last

If only I'd been more kind!


I should have kept my big mouth shut

But I fed on the flesh of my sister

All my fasting feasts got burnt up

And her weight of glory was bigger.